She can't know how
(Not knowhow, nor no-way, no-how)
That is to say,
She couldn't possibly know how
Her words incite me,
Stumble me,
Leave me wretched, gasping... gaping...
Wondering.
Left me happybutunkempt
Because I want the best for her -
- but am egotistic: believing the best
To be myself.
In my dreams, she is ever leaving me, which left me... sobbing?
I pause to catch my breath, to tearwipe away, smileforced.
Now I am:
Firestomached. Damned displeased,
Buried amongst mechanical antiques.
In love with the man who traded me for them
Unhappy with myself for not being more careful.
Parting with dead men (who are not as friendly as they might look).
Remarks upon feelings:
Emotions are slipshod, fleeting, irrational, unable to be contained with
Merewords laugh. They say, "We can't do that. You can't force
Our square pegs into those star-shaped holes."
Still, I try; as if I have no mouth but I must scream.
I think I need help.
Into: mindswept.
And I am reminded, always, of In So Many Words,
Which were written to remind me
Of how careless I can be.
You think I would learn from my mistakes!
But no: everonward.
